i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
