How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The best revenge is premature balding
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
