I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
