someone get that fucking seahorse.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
