She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just tell him i said nine months
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
