I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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