You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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