MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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