Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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