I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
