Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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