Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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