this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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