We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
