Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
