Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
