we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
