i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Pants are for mortals
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
