I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
