So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
