are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You ruined the universe
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
