Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
