I'm going to jail i love you
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
