Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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