Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
