So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
