So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
