3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
What a dumb baby whore.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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