I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
