you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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