He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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