peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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