All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
