Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
