he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
