He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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