I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
