I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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