I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We left the knife in your bed.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
