Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
