They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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