Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
