I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
