she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
