my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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