seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
