So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
