Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
it hurts more in the daytime
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
