I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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