Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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