Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
