over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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