Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
