get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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