He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
3 2 1 whiskey
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
