I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
