No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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